Here’s the deal, I need baseball to come back in a bad way. I watched the entire Bournemouth vs Tottenham 0-0 draw and was riveted to see if Bournemouth could get the two points and gain a couple spots in the table in their quest to avoid relegation. A 90th minute handball negated a goal and they had to settle for the draw and a measly one point.
If you read that entire paragraph…you also need baseball back. But, until the fellas test negative and mosey their way back to baseball heaven the best I can supply you with is some baseball themed distraction in the way of different lineups designed to incite conversation and less than kind comments on the world wide web.
So, without further wasted words…here are the best lineups of MY LIFETIME.
Not of all time…of my lifetime. Since I was born on a cold November Monday in 1981, we will go with the 1982 season until now.
Greatest Defensive lineup of my lifetime
This defense is a pitcher’s dream. Any hurler worth their salt would pitch to contact and end up with a 77-pitch complete game in about an hour fifty-three. Crack an ice cold frosty one, burn a heater, and call it a day.
P: Gregg Maddux 18 Gold Gloves. EIGHTEEN
C: Yadier Molina, the best to ever play the position.
1B: Keith Hernandez, HE DATED ELAINE BENES
2B: Roberto Alomar, imagine if Kolton Wong was twice as good
3B: Scott Rolen, #BrookeHaynesManCrush
SS: Ozzie Smith, 13 GOLD GLOVES
LF: Pre-medicine-ball head Barry Bonds, 8 Straight Gold Gloves
CF: Ken Griffey Jr., 10 Straight Gold Gloves
RF: Larry Walker, 7 Gold Gloves, plus he’s Canadian…Carter, do they ice-skate while playing up there?
Honorable Mentions: Don Mattingly 1B, Omar Vizquel SS, Jim Edmonds CF, Pudge Rodriguez
He has the greatest hands ever…
Greatest Offensive All Steroid Team
We all loved the behemoths the juice produced…simpler times
P: Mike Hampton: Remember Mike Hampton??? Dude won 5 straight Silver Sluggers!
C: Pudge Rodriguez
1B: Mark McGwire, Can you count to 70?
2B: Robinson Cano
3B: Matt Williams, why Matt…why????
SS: Alex Rodriguez, good lord he was amazing
OF: Barry Bonds, HE NEVER TESTED POSITIVE!
OF: Manny Ramirez
OF: Sammy Sosa, he is a vampire now…seriously…do a google image search
DH: Jose Canseco, my first favorite player
Greatest Offensive Lineup: Juice Not Allowed!!!
P: Tom Glavine, Tommy G could swing the stick
C: Joe Mauer, when the back goes…it all goes
1B: Albert Pujols, our once and soon to be again god
2B: Jeff Kent, just stay off the motorcycles
3B: Wade Boggs, The Gang Beats Boggs
SS: Derek Jeter, 4 rings and endless gift baskets
OF: Mike Trout, he’s no Randall Grichuk!
OF: Ken Griffey Jr, AKA West Coast Bartels
OF: Tony Gwynn, remember when guys hit for average???
DH: Frank Thomas…just stop with the Nugenix commercials.
Honorable Mentions: Jim Edmonds OF, Ryne Sandberg 2B, Adrian Beltre 3B, Jim Thome 1B, Nolan Arenado 3B, Buster Posey C, Barry Larkin SS, NOMAR!!! SS, Aramis Ramirez when he plays against the Cardinals
Man, I miss Tony Gwynn. This is still one of my favorite commercials ever produced.
The All Scrappy Team
As I’ve said countless times, if there is one the St. Louis loves more than titles…it’s a skinny little scraptastic ball player…so let’s grind it out…play a hard nine…be the first to arrive and the last to leave….a real heady player….
P: John Tudor, the most underrate pitcher of the 80’s
1B: Gregg Jefferies, the second G is for Grit
2B: Craig Biggio, more pine tar on his helmet than on a George Brett bat
3B: Chris Sabo, those goggles
SS: David Eckstein, #ScrapJesus
OF: Rex Hudler, he leaves it all on the field man
OF: Dee Gordon, Eat something DEE!!!
OF: Billy Hamilton, I want to be this fast for just one day
The All Speed Team
P: Sam Freeman, This dude can fly!
C: Pudge Rodriguez, fast is a relative term
1B: Jeff Bagwell, dude stole 202 bases???
2B: Dee Gordon, he’s versatile
3B: Chone Figgins, I seriously forgot he was a baseball player until I started research for this article
SS: Ozzie Smith 580 stolen bags!
OF: Rickey Henderson, This is the fastest outfield in the history of the world.
OF: Vince Coleman, 752 steals!
OF: Tim Raines, 808…808.
The Greatest Rotation
1. Greg Maddux
2. Randy Johnson
3. Roger Clemens
4. Max Scherzer
5. Nolan Ryan
Honorable Mentions to: Justin Verlander, John Smoltz, MadBum, Dwight Gooden and David Cone at their peaks, Johan Santana, Tom Glavine, Clayton Kershaw, Pedro Martinez, Steve Carlton, and Orel Hershiser…and Kent Bottenfield of course
The Ultimate Lineup I‘d be most entertained watching for 162 and a march through October
LF: Rickey Henderson
2B: Roberto Alomar
CF: Ray Lankford, THE GREATEST CARDINALS CF OF ALL TIME
1B: Albert Pujols
3B: Ken Caminiti
RF: Jose Canseco
SS: Nomar Garciaparra
C: Yadier Molina
P: Chris Carpenter
P: Nolan Ryan
P: Greg Maddux
P: Pedro Martinez
P: Max Scherzer
Closer: Jordan Hicks
Bullpen: Arthur Rhodes, Dennis Eckersley, Fernando Rodney, Billy Wagner, Ray King
Bench: Andres Galarraga, Ken Griffey Jr., Mark Grace, Mark Reynolds, Barry Larkin, Adam Dunn
Yes, I ran out of quips…but that is a lot of content and my brain is beat. It’s time to check out the score from the Blues game last night…jesus…what the hell???
Until next time, long live Jose Canseco.