What a week, you guys! After all of the rumors and speculation about exactly how aggressive the Cardinals were going to be at the trade deadline, the moves have finally been made, the wagons have been circled and the dust is beginning to settle. We have all come to terms with the DNA of this year’s team and are reluctantly looking forward to next year for new hardware. It’s okay to acknowledge our collective disappointment, while also understanding that it ultimately could have been worse. The “rebuild” (if we can even call it that?) is expected to be swift, decisive and relatively painless. Arenado isn’t a Dodger. Brendan Donovan has time for a quick tune up. Masyn Winn is sharpening his teeth. Tyler O’Neill hasn’t yet fallen into a woodchipper. Mikolas can now throw meatballs at WHOEVER HE GODDAMN WELL PLEASES. I believe Contreras is still alive? So, it’s not all doom and gloom. We are not the New York Mets.
However, now that the Great Liquidation of 2023 has come to a close, it would be irresponsible not to address the impact of our departed brothers both on the field and IN OUR HEARTS. Queue up the Sarah McLachlan and let’s get into it while the tears are still salty and fresh.
- Paul DeJong – I feel like Paulie has been on this team since 1997. It just seems like he’s always been lurking around somewhere. A reliable journeyman who can pivot from bench player to everyday short stop with remarkable ease, it’s easy to forget he was once a Rookie of the Year finalist and an All Star. DeJong found a way to fly under the radar and hide in the shadows like a ninja assassin. If he eventually finds himself settling into the batter’s box as an opponent at Busch Stadium, I anticipate 25% of the fans to stare quizzically at the scoreboard while the rest of us give him a resounding ovation.
- Genesis Cabrera – His presence on the mound leads one to believe he’s equally capable of throwing strikes or MURDERING YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY. He is mercurial both in personality and in performance and I, for one, kind of enjoy that wild card energy. Will he retire the side or incite a bench clearing brawl? Nobody knows! HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTS!!!
- Jordan Hicks – I sincerely cannot fathom the biology or the physics behind throwing a baseball as hard as he can. Does he have an extra tendon somewhere that makes it possible to melt the time-space continuum? Hitting the location on an off-speed pitch seems like a waste of time when you are capable of rendering the ball invisible but for the singed arm hair of the batter. GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD LUCK. There’s not a lot of variety on this particular menu, but if you want to induce paralysis, Hicks is your man.
- Chris Stratton – As part of the package that brought Jose Quintana to St. Louis last year, Stratton added versatility to the pitching staff with his experience as both a starter and a reliever. While he never settled into a full-time role in the rotation, he carved out a place performing middle relief work for an often overtaxed bullpen. I would have a hard time believing Chris is especially heartbroken over this turn of events.
- Jordan Montgomery – The largest impact Montgomery made on me personally was that he didn’t induce an unmitigated panic attack whenever I saw he was slated to make a start. This was no small comfort given the instability and turbulence of the 2023 rotation. He’s like a really decent boyfriend who you’re happy to take home to meet mom and dad. While not flashy or particularly sexy, he is solid and reliable and he will have you home by 10:00. Jordan is going to make some new team very happy one day.
- Jack Flaherty – Jack feels like the one who got away, although one could make the argument that it has felt like that for a few seasons now. Plagued persistently by issues both physical and mental, it just began to seem unlikely that he was ever going to completely unlock his very highly publicized potential. We mourned for what could have been a long time ago, which is a real shame given both his age and his raw talent. Early indications suggest the change of scenery in Baltimore is good for him, which hopefully portends the renaissance for his career that was elusive in St. Louis.
Well, now that we’ve gotten this emotional handwringing out of the way, let us dry our eyes and tighten our resolve. The rest of this season is not without value! Will we watch Waino silence the naysayers and reach 200 wins? Is Dakota Hudson good now?? Will the Cubs choreograph a catastrophic late season implosion that nullifies their nagging playoff chances??? FINGERS CROSSED!!!
Lindsay Trumbull is a writer, Cardinals fan and Adam Wainwright enthusiast from Muscatine, IA. She previously spent time penning missives for Cards Diaspora. She loves dogs, hates the oxford comma and will not entertain the idea of fruit on pizza DO NOT EVEN ASK.
