There is a simple story that takes our beloved birds from here to hoisting another World Series Trophy to add to the N.L. record 11 they already possess. I have all the answers you will ever need to win every argument with those insufferable transplanted Yankee fans that think they’re God just because their parents got it on in something called a “borough.”
As Kevin Bacon would say…”These are the facts of the case…and they are undisputed.”
Reason One
They’re the GodDamned St. Louis Cardinals
What the hell is a “National”? The defunct grocery store from my youth off of Grand and Chippewa? A Dodger? Seriously… “Dodgers”? What is that? I’m sure I could do a search on my Google machine and find out, but I really don’t care. Kirk Gibson ain’t walking through that door. The Braves? Really…it’s 2019 and you’re still using that nickname?
You know what a Cardinal is? It’s a majestic red bird that decorates the sky with its beauty, pride, and championship pedigree. It’s THE Bird of Birds. It’s our Bird.
Reason Two
Pointless Other N.L. Cities
The only 2 things that matter in Atlanta are Kandi Burruss and the airport. Well…and the Home Grown southern restaurant…that place is legit.
D.C. is a complete disaster right now. Yeah they have Kornheiser and Scherzer…and Chuck Todd…but what else? A government on a 100 year dysfunctional streak? Case Keenum is their QB for crying out loud! Chances = John Cusack Movie
Imagine if you will that I-270 was three lanes wider…then imagine that it had 3 times as many cars as it currently does…now remember the worst traffic you have ever been stuck in on that godforsaken highway…now double it. That is every day in L.A. Every friggin’ day. I’ll take the STL.
Reason Three
Number of Teams with Yadier Molina on them
Answer? One. That’s it, that’s the list, and we’re the only team on it. He is the single most important person in the playoffs in 2019. With two stud super young starters going it will take all of his Jedi like savvy to get Hudson and Flaherty to stay calm, steady, and on the black. Plus, those neck tatts always play.
Jul 14, 2013; Chicago, IL, USA; St. Louis Cardinals relief pitcher Edward Mujica (44) is congratulated by catcher Yadier Molina (4) for a victory against the Chicago Cubs at Wrigley Field. The Cardinals beat the Cubs 10-6. Mandatory Credit: Rob Grabowski-USA TODAY Sports
Reason Four
The BFIB
Yeah, I said it. That’s us. We’re the best…just ask anyone of us. We will tell you, despite rarely experiencing any other fanbases in our lives, that we’re the best. Look at us…35k on a Tuesday in July to see the Reds. Who does that? WE do. Eat it Tampa Bay.
Reason Five
The Wait has been too long
What a grueling endless 8 years it has been since I leapt into Gavin’s arms at the Buffalo Wild Wings off of Olive when Motte and Yadi embraced. How torturous it has been. No fanbase could ever understand such a dirge of time that will eventually end this month by reclaiming what is rightfully ours. How could anyone anywhere understand how long this wait has been? No one has ever had to endure more heartbreak than us. No one…no one I want to mention that is.
So, there you have it. 5 undeniable reasons the Cardinals are going to win the series. Attempt to argue with my logic, but in the end it is mine and mine alone. I can change it at my will. I can tell when you’ve simply read the headline and formed your “opinion.” I know how you’re going to react and argue, so my counter arguments are already formed and impenetrable.
Godspeed my fellow friends of Fredbird. I’ll see you at the parade.
