I’m not talking about the Micronesian island of Yap that is near and dear to my heart…that you can learn more about here…
I’m talking about that hole at the bottom of the front of your head. There are seven games left in the wondrous 2019 regular season campaign and we haven’t done diddly squat yet. Yeah, we swept the no account, overhyped, overrated, childish, pointless, too many day games playing, stupid mascot having, idiotic manager employing, second hand Red Sox GM loving, RESPECT ME screaming, lousy, two bit, pointless Cubs…but who cares?
I don’t. Yeah, it was fun…but it’s like being excited that your ice cream tasted great, you knew it would…and I knew we were going to sweep those blue pinstripe wannabe Yankee jersey wearing, dilapidated should be demolished stadium playing in, Greg Maddux losing, Derek Lee ruining, Ryne Sandberg and Mark Grace wasting Cubs.
So, as I said…shut your toasted rav holes!
Here is what I suggest you do instead
Remember when the Blues were marching their way towards hoisting Lord Stanley’s cup? Remember that feeling of dread you had every single second of every single period because you knew deep down they were gonna blow it? Remember that?
That’s how you need to feel for the next 7 days. Please…for god’s sake I’m begging you. Don’t get all chesty and jinx this for the rest of us.
What Lies Ahead
We have to beat the Diamondbacks…we cannot let this division title linger into the weekend. We have the fella on pace to be the pitcher of the month for September, Adam Wainwright, taking the mound this evening. He’ll be followed by Flaherty and Wacha out in Roger Clyne country. We must bring the brooms, get the Brewers to drop and couple, and end this before the weekend.
The Justice of Poets
Why??? Why you ask?? Because there would be no better poetic justice…no more insane turn of fate…no more gut wrenching destruction than those L train riding, toll road driving, Old Style chugging, sausage swallowing, wish they were New York living, Dan Haynes torturing Cubby Bears coming to my hometown and forcing our Birds into a Wild Card…cos that’s what’s happening in my nightmares!!!!
So…listen…just do me this solid and shut those aforementioned yaps and just enjoy a stomach ache every minute of the day until we actually clinch this division. It’ll do ya some good…
I mean…hey…it worked for the Blues?
Follow Sauls on Twitter @Will_ArchCity
