(BALLWIN, MO) Saturday’s results from St. Louis-based Arch Rival Roller Derby saw the League’s defending champions clinch a future trophy berth while another squad claimed their first win of the season that kept their respective title chances intact.
In the twin bill at Midwest Sport Hockey, ARCH defending local champs the Smashinistas topple the M-80s, 283-103, while Rebel Skate Alliance snared a 208-122 victory over the Stunt Devils.
With their dominating win, the Smashies finished the regular season perfect at 3-0 and claimed entry to ARCH’s championship event on April 4 at the Queeny Park sport court.
Meanwhile, Saturday’s finishes resulted in both the M-80s and Rebel Skate Alliance currently possessing identical 1-1 records heading into a March 21 showdown between the pair. Long story short, whoever wins that donnybrook goes to the League finale.
SMASHINISTAS 283 M-80s 103
Although one would assume that the 180-point differential was the result of perpetual Smashie scoring by their squadron of jammers, the real story of the game was the ability of the green-clad blockers displaying both high skill shutdowns alongside plenty of discipline.
The M-80s claimed the opening lead of the game with jammer L’Oakey Doki’s dozen off the power jam that resulted in a 12-0 score.
The Smashinistas countered with a powerful 60-3 run over the next six jams. Skeevie Nicks’ 16-3 strike in Jam 2 resulted in a 16-15 scoreboard flip. The momentum would keep rolling with scoring passes from Frowntown, Smash Money, Skulpix and Riot as the rally progressed and with Nicks’ 12-pointer scored at the 18:50 mark, the defending champs possessed a 60-15 advantage.
The back half of the period saw the Smashies continue their dominance thanks in the blocking provided by Cloak N’ Drag-Her, Gnarley Carbsmashian, Intensive Carrot, Urgent Carrot, Nigel Smashberry, WyldeSyde, Oliver Smash, Regrets, Shady Hawkins and T-Bex.
The team doubled their opening output and possessed a 120-49 lead at intermission.
As impressive as that first half was, the final frame was even more eye-opening. As the M-80s continued their plot of rotating numerous jammers and lines in order to throw them off, the Smashies were still able to thwart any configuration by the opposition.
The M-80s were certainly game. Scoring strikes from Slipknot, Camp Kwitcherbitchin, Scouts Horror were propelled by blockers Rhino, Scouts Horror, Pecan Misandry, Slam Shakusky, Crumbledore, Curl Scout, Farts & Crafts, Betty White Trash, Trampfire, Kelly Loud and Kick S’More Ass.
However in the end, the Smashies were too collectively overwhelming. Their 163-54 output in the second period resulted in the 283-103 win, their fifth straight, and automatic placement at ARCH’s April 4 finale.
Meanwhile, the M-80s must immediately shake off the wounds and prepare for Rebel Skate Alliance in three weeks if they wish to advance to April’s title game.
REBEL SKATE ALLIANCE 208 STUNT DEVILS 122
Heading into Saturday’s game, last season’s runner-up, Rebel Skate Alliance, faced a must-win situation if they even wanted an opportunity to compete at the aforementioned trophy tilt. They took advantage of Stunts’ miscues late in the first period to expand a lead and continued to apply pressure in order to coast to victory.
Photo Credit: Bob Dunnell
In the game’s opening rotatios, RSA propelled out to a 27-0 lead with multi-lap jams from Darth Tator and Boba Flash. The Stunts countered with back-to-back-to-back grand slams from Skaty Perry, Thrasher and Zoe Hell that narrowed the score to 27-12 at the 22:15 mark.
Feeling the heat, RSA cobbled a 31-8 run over the next couple of jams and capitalized on Tator’s 20-point strike with 13:00 left in the half the resulted in the Rebel’s 58-20 advantage.
The Stunts got a surge of energy and produced a 46-16 counter strike that narrowed the differential to single-digits. Sir Ian McKillin’, Rhonda Lousy, Black Dynasmite, Downtown Dallis, Brawlize Theron, Rock Slobster, Nunchucks Norris, Tina Faceplant, Red and Bette Davis Thighz led the charge and whittled RSA’s lead to 74-66 heading into the period’s penultimate jam.
Photo Credit: Bob Dunnell
Tator claimed lead for RSA off of a power start and notched eleven clutch points, resulting in a 85-66 edge, and a five-spot from Admiral Aggbar led to the Rebels’ 90-66 advantage at intermission.
The ending rally helped propel RSA in the early stages of the second period. Flash’s 19-8 jam four minutes deep helped grow the score to 121-74.
Photo Credit: Bob Dunnell
Blockers Han Rolo, Obi-Wan Kenosebleed, Jabba the Butt, Zombie Plagueis, Wookie Monster, Lethal Dose, Titanium Falcon, Strawberry MILFShake, Jam-It Ginger, Ella Trick Mayhem and Holiday Special continued their solid play as RSA stretched the lead to 197-104 following Tator’s 20 point-sealer with 3:35 left.
RSA went on to outscore the Stunts 118-56 in the second period to claim the 208-122 victory and, most importantly, keep their trophy hopes alive.
The Stunts finished the regular season 0-3 in a campaign that saw them battle numerous obstacles. The return of Perry, who received Most Valuable Jammer award for the game, and the potential return of high-scoring jammer Scarrie Fisher give the squad a sense of optimism heading into their third place game in April.
Advance discounted tickets for the March 21 game is available at this link.
By trade, he is a six-time, regional Emmy Award-winning news videographer/editor for KTVI/KPLR-TV. By hobby, he is a writer for Arch City Media, dating back to February 2014. Emphasis is on featuring and promoting local women's sports, but will cover anything that is not reported by traditional media outlets. Also a contributor to local concert reviews.
