(Editor’s Note: You may remember a previous post on All-Star shenanigans.)
So, the Pro Bowl was yesterday. Or, at least, that’s what NBC told me I was watching for three and a half hours last night. All I saw were streaks of neon orange and yellow so bright and offensive to the eye I wasn’t sure if it was a football game or a NASCAR race after a bad hit of acid.
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Let’s be real here. If the Pro Bowl were a person, it’d be this.
In any case, if you’re reading this, you’re probably aware of the new format…blah, fantasy-style draft…blah, blah, Cris Collinsworth is a moron, blah. So I won’t go into it.
Suffice it to say, I only decided to view the Pro Bowl over, say, the GRAMMYs because A) I’m a straight man, and B) I love football. I’m the guy who would watch the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl, willingly, and find myself emotionally involved in the outcome of North Dakota Polytechnic State College and University and Southeastern Arkansas Culinary Academy for the Blind. (Editor’s note: To the best of our knowledge, these are not, in fact, actual NCAA FBS football schools. If they exist in some other level of sanctioned collegiate athletics, our apologies and congratulations to your kids for having a wonderful season.)
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Above: SACAB’s offensive line. How did they win six games for bowl eligibility, you ask? Delicious, delicious quiche.
Understandably, the athletic level of competition in these types of All-Star games is laughable. No matter when the game is played, the most gifted (and, yeah, popular) players in a sport are loathe to injure themselves out of a multi-million dollar contract. I don’t blame them for it. Frankly, I don’t think the All-Star games should be televised at all, because at least in the NFL, the game itself is for the players, not the fans. One of my friends who was over to watch the supposed competition remarked, “This is the most actual fun I’ve ever seen football players have playing football. It’s kind of unsettling.”
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